Archie Bunker Opinion: Common Sense on Crime They Don’t Want You to Hear!

By Archibald Bunker, Regular American and Homeowner

Alright, let’s cut the malarkey. I’m sittin’ in my chair, tryin’ to watch the game, and what do I see on the news? Another story about some punks holdin’ up a store, or carjackin’ some decent, hard-workin’ fella in broad daylight. It’s enough to make a sane man’s blood boil! And for cryin’ out loud, it’s 2025! Weren’t we supposed to have flyin’ cars by now instead of havin’ our pockets picked by hooligans on them electric scooters?

Let me tell you what the problem is, in plain English that any fool can understand — exceptin’ the pinhead intellectuals in their ivory towers, of course.

It’s the coddlin’. That’s right, the coddlin’! We got a bunch of bellyachin’ sociologists and soft-headed judges who are more worried about the “root causes” and the “trauma” of some two-bit thief than they are about my trauma of havin’ my hard-earned color TV stolen!

Back in my day, you did the crime, you did the time. And the time wasn’t in some “correctional facility” that looks nicer than the motel me and Edith stayed at on our honeymoon. It was a pen-it-en-tiary! A big, scary place you didn’t wanna go back to. It was a deterrent! Now? These jokers get a slap on the wrist and a therapist. It’s a disgrace!

And don’t even get me started on the cops. The defundin’ the police crowd — a bunch of Krakower-types, if you ask me — they’ve handcuffed the boys in blue instead of the criminals! A patrolman tries to do his job and clean up the streets, and he gets sued for breathin’ too heavy. It’s a wonder anyone puts on the uniform anymore. We need to let our police police! Give ’em back their billy clubs and let ’em swing ’em, I say! A crack on the head never hurt nobody who didn’t deserve it.

And the root of it all? I’ll tell you the root. It’s the breakdown of the family and respect. Kids ain’t raised right anymore. No discipline. They’re all on their phones watchin’ whozits and whatzits instead of learnin’ respect from their fathers. And if they do have a father around, the government’s probably taxed him into the poorhouse so he’s workin’ three jobs just to keep a roof over their heads! It’s a regular Catch-22!

The solution is simple, see? You gotta be tough! Build more jails. Elect judges with a spine, not a sociology degree. And for Pete’s sake, support the police! Stop treatin’ ’em like the enemy. The enemy is the wise guy who thinks he can take what I worked 50 years for!

It ain’t rocket science. It’s common sense. But common sense went out the window with respect for the flag and a good, stiff pair of underwear.

Yours in sanity,
Archibald Bunker
Queens, New York